STUCK

To live a life

Full of regrets

Forever gnawing at your heart,

Is nothing but a mess,

With more regrets

On its plate.

When those memories

Pester the mind

Till your heart bleeds

An eternal stream of

Tear,guilt n sorrow.

No vent,no escape there is.

Today im lost,for even

Words fail me.

The book of record lies

Empty,

For even here i fear

To cry my heart out.

Dying inside with secRets

Untold,

Words fail me.words,fail me.

Such chaos around

Screams and shouts

But with no sound.

Silence i fear,yet crave

It's like the white

Waiting to be stained.

The present events,

Betraying yesterday's dreams.

The flower of youth

Already swaying,

For it wont last long

And time passes by,

Stuck in a self made marsh

As life passes by.

~k~

To twirl letters..

forming words..

N shape them, weave them..

A creation...An expression..

When words surpass there literary meanings..

and acheive greater goals..

But what when their creator...

The writer, 

trembles in anxiety..

The fear of not being able to write..

The fear to lose the blessing..

Which is his only road to freedom..

From the oppression of the world..

when he tries n tries in vain..

To bleed out his poisons...to let himself free..

~k~

A sadistic Heart

I’m not getting any better,

No I’m not getting any better.

I am what I used to be,

Maybe worse than before,

But my silly heart won’t give answers.

It won’t stand up,

N it certainly won’t die,

But, yes! What it does,

Is fuel my miserable life .

It won’t go numb

Even if I stab it to death. 

An illusion creator it is,

To make me think I’m free from its claws.

It hides in caves, not deep within

And pounces back into action

When strength is what I need.

Like a hunter it preys,

And a parasite it thrives,

Takes away all from me,

And make me lose the little strength I have

To leave me writhing in pain once again.

The misery I feel, might even be non-existent,

My pain and tears might be useless

But this sadistic heart of mine

Just loves to see me cry,

Loves me too much, to even create sorrow

From thin air,

And form a make-believe world,

Where only I suffer

And drown in a marsh, just to resurface 

And drown again.

~k~

Rock my cradle, mother

Rock the cradle

Rock the cradle,

Oh mother, rock my cradle.

Been waiting for you.

While I stared at the ceiling,

Lost in memories..

And the illusions you portray..

I live in a fairy land..

With just you by my side..

where you save me..

From those monsters..

Take me in your arms,

Rock me to sleep.

Its just you I know

Not others, who come and go,

They wont stay I know,

No,they would never,

But its just you I see.

For you are me,

and you are for me.

Just like I

Will forever be yours

Rock the cradlE,

Rock my cradle, mother!

~k~

Losing you

I was there,

With you, for you.

My promises, my love at your disposal

All for you, I was.

And now, left on the edge, hanging

To die, with a thin thread.

We walked together,

But there on the crossroads

I stood at the path of our destruction

And lured you in

With false joys n rainbows.

A rocky path, Thunderstorms,

snake-filled pits.

You surpassed all,

But in the end, fell in a trap

And I stood there watching,

Helpless, shocked, speechless.

Now I’m a cripple, who is of no help,

Falling apart herself.

I am losing you,

And that....

Is the last wound I’ll ever get.

~k~

Waiting

In the darkness where I sit,

Surrounded by unrecognizable noises

With the stars above

N dirt below,

A lonely street with not a speck of light

With a car or two, rolling by

I gaze down its length,

Lost.

Those empty, shut windows

Looming overhead,

Like silent spectators in a theatre.

Overgrown weeds and scary trees

Line the sides

Leaning on the buildings, like pets

Ready to be unleashed

And thrash about on their master’s command.

They don’t scare me,

Not at all.

But in the loneliness they are my companions,

In a place, where darkness has no ends

N the lifeless are your mates,

Where, the world is cut off

And there’s only you...

Waiting...waiting..

Biding your time..

To break free.

~k~                                 

Life, In circles

What happens when ,

You reach back to where you started.

A forest, without  a path.

And in an attempt to cross it

You walk in circles

Round and round,

You go again,

Reach back, with a frustrated head.

But worse than that, is when you see

Your past catching up on you,

When you see life

Taking turns again

Leading you back

To what it was,

From what you escaped

And thought had ended,

Never to meet you again.

Now, the terror takes over,

And you are left, trembling

In anticipation.

With nothing to do, nowhere to run,

But face it again...

Face something that will never end.

~k~

Snap it!

Snap-snap, snap it off,

Snap the jerk’s head off.

Cover your ears, Shut your eyes

Bend over, knees on the ground

Scream-scream, blow the heat,

And let it fly off.

Snap-snap, snap it off

Snap the jerk’s head off.

You hear a voice, you scream again

Can’t take it no more, never again.

That voice, a whisper,

Stabs my wounds

Let me heal, let me breath,

Why don’t you get away from me?

Snap-snap, snap it off

Snap the jerk’s head off.

Kill it, stab it

Dance on the corpse,

But don’t let it ruin the mind.

If nothing works out at all,

Then run run, run away

And throw the jerk’s head away

~k~

untitled

the magic of being

lovingly embraced

and taken to bed.

The gentle loving kiss

Turning to passionate tongue wars

Fuelled by our love

That ignited our lust

To turn ecstatic.

Those gentle hands

Exploring you completely

To take our love to the next level

And turn blissfully divine.

Love vanishes, on seeing a hottie

Walk down towards you

Turn you by the waist

And smack your butt.

Lust conquers the mind

And compels you to mate.

Those desperate lips

Pushing hard on you,

Swift hands, slipping off your clothes

Showers of kisses all over your body

When having sex and gaining

Physical satisfaction was all that mattered.

Without any love,

What lacked was the passion,

When making love turned into

Mere sex.

When lust was all that was.

The heart forgotten,

Only the body flourished..

~k~

Another Monday morning

Tch tch tch, click click!

Click your tongues

When the boss comes.

He walks in,

Glares at you for not doing work

The file is missing, you left it at home,

Sweating like a pig

You hide to brood.

Another day of abuses and glares

Stress and depression mounting high

A bottle of rum becomes the answer

And Jack Daniels, your best mate.

Malboro your pet,

And marijuana your flight.

Smoke up in the morning,

Lose your senses,

Screw the boss and screw the rules

You’re the man,

In the mood.

That’s your life, the way it goes

Fall in the morning, take your bruises

And  wait for nightfall

For you know,

You’ll indulge in intoxication.

~k~

When Love Makes You a Whore

Love, a beautiful feeling,

An exceptional bliss,

A flight of emotions,

Waterfall of tears

And lifetime of happiness,

Of memories, of gifts

Of expectations and of love.

But with emotions comes

Another feeling, the lust

That hides in our Hide.

Emotions are just a gateway

For freedom from abstinence.

A kiss, a hug, a touch

Flares up the desires within.

Your love, your trust takes you to the bed

Where you give yourself completely away

And give up yourself physically, mentally and emotionally..

Just to fill the last part of love.

But what happens when your love betrays,

And when you wake up from a night of making love

And find an empty bed by your side

You’re left alone, betrayed and broken,

And now physically scarred as well.

What difference does it make then,

When you fuck a random person,

With at least no expectation in your heart

To find them holding you next morning.

At least no tears will fall

for finding yourself alone.

Those lonely nights can be surpassed

But not the ones wetted by tears

And filled with cries of longing and pain.

Then why is love needed,

To satisfy your lust,

When in the end, love leaves you a whore, but

Just for the worse.

Then why is not feeling like a whore

Better than being made one by force,

When in the end you know, that

‘making love’ is just reduced to a ‘fuck’.

~k~

A Prelude to The End

Dead ends...maze...concrete walls...wooden trapdoors...life...

My life is all about loopholes and mazes...a never ending maze..i take a turn, i fall into a trap.

i get up, and the walls make me claustrophobic, I can't run away...as there's no where to go...I take a turn and run down the straight path, and it seems never ending. My leg give away, and i fall down..i just can't go on...knees bleeding..tears running down muddy cheeks...i sit by the wall....head resting on my hands..i feel let down...betrayed..by myself, my life...

The merciless sun pouring blazing heat down on me...not one second of relief could I have...not a chance of respite..I try to get up, but I fall again...I feel so tired....even my bones ache...I crawl..I see a turn and reach it somehow...with a sudden hope to reach the exit !

Getting up, I hold the wall and reach the turn somehow...I turn..it's a dead end!...I scream..I howl...I beat my fists on the wall...and fall down crying...
~k~