its 6 am in the morning...my friend passed out on my bed. I somehow thought of writing a blog post. Honestly i thought of doing it yesterday too, but with a glass of whiskey in my hand, it somehow just felt right. Honestly I cant help it. I love blogging, though sending out my thoughts to the ‘universe’ doesn’t exactly feel ecstatic, but in a way it’s comforting. Well, its true, writing is a vent for me, but hey! It’s not everything. Recently I’ve been through a lot. My heart is heavy, my thoughts always engaged. There is somehow always something on my mind. But today I spent a nice day with my buddy, had nice long talks on the roof in the amazing weather with me having a lot of drinks. But somehow after 8 drinks I’m still unshaken. I could pride on my capacity or I could brood on my insomnia. As history repeats itself, I’m not too happy with the lack of sleep. Hey I have workouts every alternate day and its very hard to exert yourself without adequate sleep.

I finally showed up on the pages of my diary, but somehow they were just not enough of a vent. I don’t j=know how many vents I’ll need. But one thing I know for sure, needing a best friend is not one of them. Hell, there is nothing known as a ‘BEST FRIEND’. It’s called “ BULLSHIT’.

Someone very rightfully made me realize that and I have come to believe its true. The oldest friend isn’t your best friend, hell no one is. It is just a term used for social purposes. One has ‘CLOSE FRIENDS’ not best friends. And like every other topic, this is subjective as well. I would like to be personal here since it’s my blog. No offense or insult meant in this context, but is it unjust if me to ask for attention? Should I not ask for attention from a friend I ‘demand’ to be at my side when I need them? Should I actually go around reminding people of the favors I did them when they needed me?

All I wanted was my close friend to be at my side, pamper me and hug me tight, not wait for me to beg her to meet me.

Honestly, ive been wanting to be alone recently and I like it that way. I don’t care I have company or not, I enjoy either ways. Just that I’m tired of being disappointed.

I think I made a mistake by thinking I would find my friends with me without asking for it.