Those long nights are back. I thought I was over them, apparently I'm not. This is 2008 and 2009 all over again ( a little of 2010 too actually) .
This hasn't ended, I don't know when will it. Long lonely silent nights. Nobody to talk to, nothing to do, hobbies become boring. Me - hungry, restless and now attacked with a serious case of munchies, which by the way I try to dodge. I actually stopped buying junk food, in a way to starve to death. Sounds sadistic, but I have no plans of sitting like a dough and gaining weight again. It's just too sad.
Well, I run away from that part, but doesn't that doesn't solve my eating disorder. I just don't eat. Being anorexic sounds great, but alas, I have too much mass on me and it's not going anywhere too soon.
Staying up all night would be fine with me if I wasn't such a light sleeper. when you know you wouldn't be able to sleep, it becomes a serious problem. I have been cribbing about sleep for more than six years now. That is a long LONG time. I have lost memory of the days I have had a peaceful night to myself.
One day it is insomnia, and for the rest of the days there are nightmares. Hell, even alcohol provides no solution. I cant sleep for more than 2-3 hours even if I pass out with 2 litres of whiskey or rum in my belly (been there, done that).
History does repeat itself, a few years back I found myself all alone, without purpose and a mind full of doubts. It's just the same today.
This hasn't ended, I don't know when will it. Long lonely silent nights. Nobody to talk to, nothing to do, hobbies become boring. Me - hungry, restless and now attacked with a serious case of munchies, which by the way I try to dodge. I actually stopped buying junk food, in a way to starve to death. Sounds sadistic, but I have no plans of sitting like a dough and gaining weight again. It's just too sad.
Well, I run away from that part, but doesn't that doesn't solve my eating disorder. I just don't eat. Being anorexic sounds great, but alas, I have too much mass on me and it's not going anywhere too soon.
Staying up all night would be fine with me if I wasn't such a light sleeper. when you know you wouldn't be able to sleep, it becomes a serious problem. I have been cribbing about sleep for more than six years now. That is a long LONG time. I have lost memory of the days I have had a peaceful night to myself.
One day it is insomnia, and for the rest of the days there are nightmares. Hell, even alcohol provides no solution. I cant sleep for more than 2-3 hours even if I pass out with 2 litres of whiskey or rum in my belly (been there, done that).
History does repeat itself, a few years back I found myself all alone, without purpose and a mind full of doubts. It's just the same today.
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